Persona
by GurrenGao
Summary: No one knew that behind closed doors, that Sanzo was an entirely different person. No one except me that is. Oneshot Shounen-ai 3x9


**Saiyuki: Persona**

**By .**

**Summary: **No one knew that behind closed doors, that Sanzo was an entirely different person. No one except me that is. (Oneshot) (Shounen-ai) (3x9)

**Pairing: **SanzoxGoku

**Warnings: **Okay, it's not yaoi, but it's still two boys being kissy and cuddly. If you don't like that go away.

**Disclaimer: **Kazuya Minekura owns this. If I had owned Saiyuki I would have just drawn this little story out into a manga wouldn't I?

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It had always been like this. During the journey, he would ridicule me. He would hit me with that fan that seemed to spawn out of his robes instantaneously. He would always threaten Gojyo and I with his gun and say he would shoot. Then, he would always shoot just to the right or left of my head as a warning. However, Sanzo could never actually kill me.

He told me.

Not that he'd let Hakkai or Gojyo know. It was our secret. It was only one of many of them that we kept from the others. Among them was what happened when we were alone. He would let his guard down and allow me to see his true self. Sanzo really reminded me of a pineapple. You know, they're so pointy and prickly on the outside, but the inside is soft, squishy, and yummy.

I told him that once and he simply chuckled and told me that it was just like me to relate him to food. Of course, he still had his days. When it rained…that was the worst. He used to be violent during the rain if anyone made so much as a sound near him. He's always had a soft spot for me since the day he found me on Mt. Gogyo, but he's calmed down a lot ever since that one day. The day I told him I loved him.

_Sanzo groaned as his eyes opened. That groan managed catch my attention as I sat in a chair at his bedside. His amethyst orbs stared at the ceiling for a moment before looking at me, "Baka saru. Why are you here?"_

"_To make sure you're okay." I said, "Hakkai seemed really worried this time…and I…I thought you were gonna…"_

"_Shut up." Sanzo snapped, grabbing my shirt and pulling it up to reveal the bandages over my stomach. I had done a poor job at wrapping it and my wound was already beginning to bleed through. He touched the wound, causing me to flinch, "Why haven't you shown this to Hakkai yet?"_

_I grabbed his wrist firmly, "I wanted to make sure you were okay…like I said."_

_His eyes drifted to his wrist in my grasp and the bandages before he pulled away, "Why did you jump in the way?"_

_I frowned, "You were gonna die if I didn't."_

_The priest angrily shot up, obviously straining from pain and grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling me to his face, "Why is my life so important that you'll just throw yours away?! I don't understand why you're so goddamn devoted to me! I treat you like shit! I call you names, hit you with a fan, shoot at you with my banishing gun and yet, you still sacrifice your life for me?!" _

_I gazed into his eyes sadly, "Maybe you're more important to me than I am to myself."_

_Sanzo released me with a grunt, "Tch'…you don't make any sense."_

"_If you don't survive, then there's no point on me going on and living." I said, my eyes cast down._

"_That's stupid." His head turned and his eyes searched mine with sudden concern, "What's the real reason saru?"_

_I lowered my head into my arms that were draped over the back of the chair which faced him at an angle, "I-I…I can't…"_

_Sanzo seemed to slip out of his usual persona as he gently held my hand, "You can."_

_Such a simple gesture gave me all of the courage in the world as I lifted my head, "I love you."_

_I waited for a negative remark or a hit with his miraculous randomly materializing fan of terror, but it never came. Instead, Sanzo put his hand on the back of my head and guided me down. Was he really about to…_

_Then it happened. Our lips touched and all sorts of ideas and thoughts went through my head at once, and then quickly faded away. It was nothing huge. Just a kiss. A kiss that meant everything. I pulled back and saw understanding in his eyes._

"_Oh, Sanzo! I see you're awake!" How long had Hakkai been standing there? Had he seen anything? If he had, he acted like nothing happened, "Goku, can you go get me some clean bandages?"_

_I nodded, leaving the room briefly and returning with the items that Hakkai had requested. _

_He got ready to redress Sanzo's wounds when the priest held up his hand, "Stop. Do Goku first."_

_Hakkai blinked, "What? Goku? Why Goku?"_

_Sanzo motioned for me to come over there, so I did, "Damn saru. Can't even dress his own wounds right. Show him." _

_I pouted, lifting up my shirt. I could practically feel Sanzo's hidden concern as he stared at the bandages, still unaware of the extent of the damage._

_Hakkai frowned, "Goku, why didn't you tell me about this? It could have been infected!"_

_He began removing my bandages carefully._

_I sat down at the foot of Sanzo's bed, "I wanted to make sure Sanzo was okay first."_

_Hakkai removed a bandage that began to reveal the actual wound. Sanzo's eyes widened. This wasn't the usual deep cut or broken rib, this was a gaping hole. It was when the air hit it that I realized how much my wound hurt. In fact, I was getting dizzy for some reason. What was that about? I felt Sanzo shift and could've sworn I'd seen him rise out of the bed. Their voices began to fade into background noise as the room spun. I saw the glow of Hakkai's chi and Sanzo staring down at me before my vision faded to black. _

_

* * *

_

_Hmm…that was weird. I felt warm. Why would I feel warm? More importantly, why was I in a bed? Did I faint? I managed to recall feeling dizzy. I must've fainted from blood loss. I cautiously scooted closer to the warmth with my eyes still closed, unsure of exactly what it was. My back came up against what I was sure was someone's chest. I then realized I had been so concerned with the source of the warmth that I hadn't noticed the arms wrapped around my waist. I cracked my eyes open carefully. I couldn't see who it was, since he was on my backside, but I had an idea. _

_I slid my hand down to the hands around my waist carefully. I was startled when his hand intertwined itself with mine._

_I felt him kiss the back of my neck, "Baka saru. Now we BOTH have to get bed rest."_

_I was still in shock from the fingers and then the kiss that all I could say was, "Oh."_

_Sanzo made a sound which sounded suspiciously like a chuckle before he turned me toward him and brushed a stray lock of hair from my face, "Don't you EVER neglect your own health for me again. Understand?"_

_I made my best attempt at glaring at him, "Why would you care?"_

_The next words he said made me freeze, "Because if _you_ don't survive, then there's no point on _me_ going on and living." He stopped, gauging my reaction, "And maybe…" He paused, "maybe I love you too."_

_I must've looked stupid as I stared at him for awhile, absorbing what he just said. When the information finally did process, I smiled and placed my forehead against his. Sanzo kissed my lips lightly before burying himself in the nape of my neck. It was only then that I realized it was raining outside…and it seemed that Sanzo could care less._

Here I was, in a similar situation once again. Sanzo had been hurt, I had been hurt trying to save him, and it was raining. I swear he has a huge target painted on him during battle. It could be the robes or the scriptures, but either way, he was always the center of attention. That made sense, considering the nature of the mission. However, that always meant he was the one they focused all of their effort on. That was why I was there, to protect him. He was also there…to give me something to protect.

This is why we agreed that neither one of us could survive without the other. So, this time I had gotten injured. This time however, I told Hakkai and he healed me. So, I sat in that chair again, waiting for Sanzo to wake up. I would've climbed into bed with him if it weren't raining. Sure, it was raining that day, but that was a unique situation. Aside from that, HE crawled into bed with ME and I didn't have a GUN. It was common knowledge that Sanzo would sometimes sleep with his gun. Some people have blankets, some people have stuffed animals, Sanzo has his banishing gun.

Sanzo's eyes fluttered open. I already had my predictions: He wanted his cigarettes, his lighter, and for me to stop staring at him. Sanzo looked at me, then at the door, as if making sure it was closed.

He then gestured to my back, "Did Hakkai heal it?" I nodded. His eyes narrowed, "Let me see."

I turned the chair so that my back faced him and lifted my shirt. All that was left was a scar, just a new one to add to my collection. I felt him trace it lightly, causing me to shiver.

He pulled my shirt back down, "Good saru."

I faced him again, still confused as to why he wasn't his usual grumpy rainy day self.

He moved around and lifted the covers, "Come here."

I crawled into the bed obediently. Sanzo cupped my cheek and kissed me gently.

He drew back and studied my face, "Something wrong?"

"I don't get you." I said, snuggling closer to him, "Usually you're so grumpy when it's like this."

"Like what?" He said, genuine confusion in his amethyst eyes.

I was a bit startled he didn't realize, "Sanzo, it's raining."

The priest stared for a moment before smiling and saying just above a whisper, "It's not when you're here."

For some reason, that one time, he made sense.

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**Author**: Um…okay, I was afraid the whole story was going to end up being in italics. Phew. Good thing that didn't happen. Originally, this was going to be yaoi, but it just turned into fluffy shounen-ai. Sorry yaoi fans. Maybe I'll make a yaoi continuation of this story. Oh, and if Sanzo seemed OOC (which he was) that was on purpose. The whole idea was to show that Sanzo has a soft side for Goku. Oh, and I'm aware that the ending was cheesy. This is the first time I've put up a completely finished work in YEARS. I think I've done okay considering.


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